Being A Good Father

Making It Work In Marriage

2011-08-19T05:28:00.000-07:00

Making It Work In Marriage

Marriage works by loving the right person enough
to make the right choices as you do so.

©Lee Wise

Reflecting...

Obviously, should we have the privilege of being married as a parent, one of the greatest gifts we can give our children is loving our husband or wife.
I see "loving enough" to include loving, caring and relating during the many and varied days of our married lives -- including, of course, the many and varied ups and downs!

In my way of thinking, value based choices are critical for the success of any marital relationship: good, quality values of course! No, this is not "new." It is simply important.
Also, related to this topic, from what I have seen in my life "the grass is greener" syndrome destroys more -- way more -- than it "satisfies." This has to do with the "loving the right person" in the quote above. In other words, faithfulness is crucial.

Reflecting More...

Simply put: are my values in order?
Am I in any danger of sacrificing long term happiness for momentary pleasure?
If I were to list my top 3 (or 5, 10?) values that have proven to those that have helped in relating to my spouse in a journal, what would I list?

That's It!

May you and those you love enjoy a wonderful week,

Lee

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Seeking direction in times of confusion? Need inspiration for the next steps in your life? Striving for On Purpose Success in your world? Click here for more information on this no nonsense resource! http://su.pr/1KI4eU (Note: As one of the editors, I recommend it!)

___________________

A P.S. to this post...(not part of the resource box)

Should you be interested in Time and Life Management, then you may want to take a look at the free, 21 Day Series I have developed entitled simply 21 Great Questions For Time Management. Simple. Brief. Hands on. Send a blank email here by clicking the link.

mailto:mytimeismylife@aweber.com

If you decide to do so, you must reply to the email you will receive in order to confirm your subscription to this 5 week series. Why confirm? It helps prevent spamming and it's the only way to receive the series!

Let's Help Give Clean Water To People

2010-10-15T15:53:00.000-07:00

"Lets Help Give Clean
Water To People"

As Dads, We Can Have An Impact

The premise for this post is simple as it concerns the subject of being a good father, and that is...

Modeling counts.

And, I have something today that I feel can...

Provide a good model for those we love and lead as fathers (and grandfathers of course! In my case, grandfather has been replaced by "Pap"!)
Provide a way to be a positive influence in the world.

Very recently, my wife and I learned about charity:water and decided to create a time sensitive campaign (87 days left as of this posting date) to help raise water in developing nations. The name of our campaign is 5 Bucks For 10,000.

5 Bucks For 10,000

Let's talk about water for a moment. (Facts I learned from charity:water).

Right now, almost a billion people on the planet don’t have access to clean, safe drinking water. That’s one in eight of us.
The UN predicts that one tenth of the global disease burden can be prevented simply by improving water supply and sanitation.
Unsafe water and lack of basic sanitation cause 80% of diseases and kill more people every year than all forms of violence, including war.

How Just 5 Bucks Can Help

When we learned about the possibility of developing our own campaign to provide drinking what for the developing nations, we decided to create a campaign that was simple, doable and, therefore, helpful to many.

Now stop and reflect on these thoughts:

One $5.00 Dollar gift = doable.
2,000 people giving one $5.00 gift = doable.
The result: $10,000! (And that's not bad for being doable don't you think?).

Responding. Reflecting. Deciding.

Would you consider giving Just 5 Bucks to something like this? No guilt trips here: none in the least. If you can and heart says "move on it," fine. If not, that's fine as well. All of us give as we feel we can and according to the leading of our hearts.
Another possibility would to sharing the campaign with others: know of anyone you could share it with through an email list, Twitter or Facebook?
Regarding the subject of giving back or leaving a legacy, did any ideas come to your mind about how you might either "give back" or complement your desire to leave a positive legacy in a positive way?
This brings up the subject of values. If you happen to be in business of some sort, what advice would you give to someone about identifying and living by their most cherished values while in the process of being involved in something like attraction marketing for instance?

All The Very Best To You!

May you and those you love and care for experience a meaningful remainder of this day,

Lee

And You May Be Interested In...

And speaking of living what might be termed a "success on purpose life," just click here for a superb resource in that regard.
How to create your own personal mission statement. If so, simply go and get the free chapter of my ebook that is mentioned on the right side of this blog.

_____________________
© Lee Wise All rights reserved. You may freely distribute this inspirational note. The copyright and this resource box must be included.
Lee is a writer, Online Marketer and Life Coach. With a passion for on purpose living and making a positive impact in the world, he seeks to encourage people in their personal and professional lives. Love self growth and personal development? See his Inspirational Handbook for Attraction Marketershere http://attractionmarketinghandbook.com

Feel stuck or like you need a boost anywhere in your life at this time? Seize a FREE 15 minute session with Lee. Go here now http://leewise.marketingmerge.com/coaching
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Share Or Reply!

May the thoughts that have been shared today be a blessing to you and those you influence in any way!
Go ahead: leave some helpful comments!
And don't forget to share: if you liked it, Twitter it, send it over to Facebook, Digg it (see button above), etc!

_______________

On Asking Forgiveness As A Parent

2010-09-25T07:25:00.000-07:00

On Asking Forgiveness
As A Parent...

Asking forgiveness as a parent
means accepting the reality of failure
while affirming the value of transparency
© Lee Wise

First Thoughts...

Realizing wrong -- i.e. something truly said or done wrong that could hurt others, put a dent in the legacy you are trying to leave, or simply reflect a momentary failure of wisdom or character -- doesn't come easy: at least to this dad.

It may be far from easy but it is not far from necessary. However, words like: "I was wrong, will you forgive me?" can...

Free the conscience.
Tell the child that you care enough to correct what's done wrong on your end.
Begin to reestablish a broken relationship.
Reflect you love to the child -- a love strong enough to admit wrong and filled with commitment enough to seek to make things right when all is not right because of what I've done, or failed to do, as a father.

[One caution, however: asking too many times for too many repeated failures can come across of being too superficial (at least in my opinion). While it may be true, it may also reflect the need to get some help if needed.]

Reflecting. Responding.

What has been my experience with asking forgiveness relative to my children? Do I have insights that could help others in that area of parenting? Should I record those and share them in any way?
As I am reviewing my own thoughts on the subject of forgiveness, what's the heart saying?
Have I blown it by asking forgiveness in a wrong way? For instance, by adding 3 other things to why the child "caused" me to respond that way ... and letting them how much they have failed in the process? In my mind that's called: (1) self-justification; and/or (2) being too harsh and less sensitive than needed.

All The Best To You!

All the best to you and those you love,

Lee

_______

Lee is a Writer an Online Marketer and Life Coach. With a passion for on purpose living and making a positive impact in the world, he seeks to encourage people in their personal and professional lives. See his Inspirational Handbook for Attraction Marketers here http://attractionmarketinghandbook.com

Feel stuck? Need a boost anywhere in your life at this time? Seize a FREE 15 minute coaching session with Lee by going here today http://leewise.marketingmerge.com/coaching

Listen To Your Daughter When Life Treats Her Well

2010-09-22T19:29:00.001-07:00

Listen When...

Life Treats Her Well!

"Listen when life treats her well.

Share the joys, freakish highs,

and every level of joyful emotion in between."

Expanding on the article I posted earlier, here are several additional comments for your consideration.

A Simple Rule Of Thumb

There's a simple rule of thumb here: delight in her delights.

Shared delight = multiplied moments of...

Potential interaction,
Bridge building
And the on-going cultivation of mutual respect.

I believe this happens *because as dads we choose to make it happen.*

At 45 I may not relate to a momentary high of a fifteen year old being we termed entirely in a right frame of mind relative to the species we term human!

Age gaps do exist.
Understanding gaps exist.
And gaps of relating exist.

But it does not matter: it doesn't!

I can choose to capture the joy she reflects at the moment, delight in it myself solely because it is her delight, and make it an immediate personal treasure because:

1. I value my daughter.
2. I value the bond that shared joy creates.

I hope you got that! Because...

I value my daughter.
I value the bond created by shared joy.

Things can become a joy by choice, and the choices we make in this area of our lives, dads, are crucial.

Do It!

Yes, this too takes time: do it!
Yes, it can be done: do it!

It's all about...

Love.
Acceptance.
Approval.
And the light in our eyes that creates the light in her eyes.

May you and those you delight in have a wonderful life,

Lee

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Feel stuck? Need a boost anywhere in your life at this time? Seize a FREE 15 minute coaching session with Lee by going here today http://leewise.marketingmerge.com/coaching

Listen To Your Daughter When The Guy's Been A Jerk

2010-09-22T18:04:00.000-07:00

"Listen When

The Guy's Been A Jerk"

"Listen when the guy's been a jerk,
and don't jerk her bruised emotional chain
while she's down.

Care,

listen,

and care yet more."

As I continue to make comments on my previous article (Daughters, Dads and Listening), here are today's brief reflections on the point referred to above:

You notice the emphasis on care and I personally can't emphasize this enough.
As she grows older and matures this never -- ever -- changes.
You will hurt as a dad listening during this process: but keep on listening.

Two words you will need to comprehend (at least in this dad's opinion) are...
listen and release.

Listen.

Allow words and feelings to flow at will.
Reflect caring and concern any way possible.

Control anger if the guy's really been a jerk.

Share insights and advice if and when appropriate.
Don't damage already damaged emotions.
Reinforce love and acceptance every step of the way.

Operate as a team with your wife if married.

"Bring each other in" on the everything as teammates in the healing process,
And keep demonstrating love to your wife through it all.

Pray like crazy throughout the emotionally battle scarred journey.

Release

And "release" your daughter to God and herself so she...

Reflects,
Emotes,
And makes her own choices.

Then...

Be ready to repeat the process again.
My guess is you will need to.

All the best to you, dad. All the best.

Lee

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Feel stuck? Need a boost anywhere in your life at this time? Seize a FREE 15 minute coaching session with Lee by going here today http://leewise.marketingmerge.com/coaching

What My Dad Did Right... A Neat Example

2010-08-11T18:34:00.000-07:00

Building Family Traditions

"What My Dad Did Right...A Neat Example"

This post from Playground Dad was made by Kathryn Peck (Twitter@EASActiveGirl) and the title of the post was (click on the link to see entire post):

What My Dad Did Right – Family Traditions

Several comments in the post caught my attention.

“Most week nights were too busy with activities for all of us to sit down together, so my parents made sure that Sunday nights were reserved for the family.”

“None of us kids live at home anymore, but for those of us who live in the same city, we tend to make our way to my parents house on every Sunday. It just feels right”

Now Those Have To Be “Dad Proud” Statements!

Great memories.
Children choosing on their own to come home each week.
And writing about it on a blog!

And My "Dad Thoughts" That Came To Mind Were...

Consistency.
Strong family environment.
Hospitality (you will see that from the post if you read it, and I sure hope you do!)
How healthy family legacies are built.

Any Takeways?

Got any takeaways of your own... even from this short post?

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Lee is a writer an online marketer and coach. With a passion for on purpose living and making a positive impact in the world, he seeks to encourage people in their personal and professional lives. See his Inspirational Handbook for Attraction Marketers here http://attractionmarketinghandbook.com

Interesting in exploring the possibility of working with Lee as a coach? Go here to check out his FREE 15 minute session and learn more http://coachingcognition.com

Making A Difference For Only Five Bucks...

2010-08-11T11:09:00.000-07:00

Making A Difference

For Only Five Bucks… Why Not?

Sometimes a simple thing like sharing an experience and wearing a bracelet can be meaningful in a parent/child relationship. Like the other day when my son-in-law came in with his bracelet on and explained how his daughter was excited to see him wear "his."

For that dad, as well as myself, it began while sitting in church.

While Sitting In Church…

After spending a typically enjoyable morning in church and listening to a great message, my older than it used to be body calculated that it could be about time to exit the area, but the pastor sharing with us the message decided to share something else…

A Video

During the process of explaining how a team of from our church returned to Karogoto, Kenya to help out in an effort there to be a blessing to others, he…

Shared the video
Gave an explanation of what was going on there.
In the process raised his hand and told about a bracelet he had — and that we could wear as well.
And if any of us felt comfortable in sharing only five dollars to make a difference in the lives of others in Kenya, we could do that by giving…

Only Five Bucks. Just Once.

Now here’s one of the neat parts: if you gave your five dollars, you received a bracelet with a child’s name of it from Kenya that was personally written by a child there.
And…

You signed your name to a bracelet and they would then be worn by children there as well as kind of a “bridge” between the folks there and those that had given from around the world.
(Side Note: It is my understanding that the exchanging of bracelets is not available through online donations)

You Can See It Here…

Okay, click here to see what I’m talking about –> ThinkBigStuf

Everything is explained much better than me trying to share it with you. Please take time to watch the short, inspiring video. But my point is...

“We Can Strive To Make A Difference While Striving To Make A Living”

No, I am not saying we have to do it at this location.
And this is not some type of poorly crafted guilt trip to say we must give.

But what I am saying is that as I saw that, and as I am wearing my yellow bracelet thinking about what transpired in church, I am saying…

Maybe my sharing here might find someone else who says…

“Yep, that’s me.”
“My heart is there.”
“I could do that.”
“I think I just will!”

Or your responses might following this line of thinking:

“That gives me another idea.”
“Maybe I could…”
And you are off making a difference in your own unique manner in your own unique place…
While influencing others to do the same.

No Pressure. Just A Thought.

That’s it. My small contribution to making a difference as of today’s date.

Maybe yours will take the form of a compliment given, a resource shared, a helping hand to someone who needs some marketing help, a child who needs attention, a spouse who needs encouragement, or someone else who needs to hear “the hard things said” in order to move forward in life.

Or…

You enjoyed the thoughts and feel in your heart: “Nice thoughts, but I’m on my own journey today and it does not include the whole ‘making a difference’ idea. At least not today, at this time or in this place.” And that is how I would want you to feel: content and rejoicing at the heart level during this stage of your life.

Either way: fine!

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© Lee Wise All rights reserved. You may freely distribute this inspirational note. The copyright and this resource box must be included.

Lee is a writer an online marketer and coach. With a passion for on purpose living and making a positive impact in the world, he seeks to encourage people in their personal and professional lives. See his Inspirational Handbook for Attraction Marketers here http://attractionmarketinghandbook.com

Interesting in exploring the possibility of working with Lee as a coach? Go here to check out his FREE 15 minute session and learn more. http://marketingmerge.com/coaching

Speaking of Good Choices...

2010-04-18T19:36:00.000-07:00

Speaking Of Good Choices...

In good intent may we serve.

In good character may we receive.

And in good choices may we prevail.

©Lee Wise

Good intent.

Good character.

And good choices.

How much these aspects of our lives must continually be present in our ongoing "art" of being a good dad (and grandfather I might add, lol!)

Surely these are a lifelong pursuit: but a good pursuit to be involved in.

Of course, these can be turned into a good set of questions for a journal as well:

Were my intentions in order this week?
And how would I rate myself in terms of my character? If I was giving myself a grade, what might I have given myself? (Do I need to record why?)
Now about those choices? The good choices I have made: would it be good for me to write those down so that I can see them in print? (After all, we can find guilt in so many things: why not list a few "success actions" as well?)
Could I have improved anywhere in my choices this week? If so, how?

____________
© Lee Wise All rights reserved. You may freely distribute this inspirational note. The copyright and this resource box must be included.

Lee is a Writer an Online Marketer and Life Coach. With a passion for on purpose living and making a positive impact in the world, he seeks to encourage people in their personal and professional lives. See his Inspirational Handbook for Attraction Marketers here http://attractionmarketinghandbook.com

Feel stuck? Need a boost anywhere in your life at this time? Seize a FREE 15 minute coaching session with Lee by going here today http://leewise.marketingmerge.com/coaching

And Speaking Of Purpose

2010-02-09T06:54:00.000-08:00

And Speaking Of Purpose...

It's Important!

I recorded the video below and thought I would share it here. No doubt the subject of living on purpose is very important as we consider the subject of being a good dad.

And Thinking About Purpose...

In thinking about purpose as a father, it could be helpful to think about the values you would like to reflect to those you are influencing: maybe it would be helpful to list those if you have not already (say your top 5?).
At times we can define our priorities by listing what we would never want to happen and go from there to the positive end of the scale: that could be helpful for instance. For instance, "I never want to be a father who does not reflect genuine care for his children." Heartfelt caring, then, would be a value to add to a list we would be making as a dad.

________________

Reflecting. Responding.

Should I journal on the subject of living on purpose and being an effective dad, what would I record that would be most important for me to remember or record? Not necessarily for something for me to share with others (that's coming as you might expect, lol!): but something just for me?

Supposed someone were to stop my home, office or in a semi-casual meeting of one form or another and ask, "Give me your personal top three insights on being an effective dad"... what would you say to them?

If you happen to come from a faith-based background, you may consider praying about the subject and asking God for wisdom in relationship to purpose and being a good dad.

That's It!...

May you an those you love enjoy a meaningful week,

Lee

__________

Lee is a writer, Online Marketer and Life Coach. With a passion for on purpose living and making a positive impact in the world, he seeks to encourage people in their personal and professional lives. See his Inspirational Handbook for Attraction Marketers here: http://attractionmarketinghandbook.com

Feel stuck or like you need a boost anywhere in your life at this time? Seize a FREE 15 minute coaching session with Lee by going here today http://leewise.marketingmerge.com/coaching

Humble Declarations Of A Loving Father

2009-12-25T11:23:00.001-08:00

Humble Declarations

Of A Loving Father

I may reflect and write more on this more later, but as I was thinking about my role as a dad I penned the following brief comments one day.

Humble Declarations Of A Loving Father

As best as I can for as long as I possibly can...

I will be there for you somehow... and you will know it.
I will be there to help you experience all the best life can offer.
I will be there to bring joy into your life as best I can deliver.

I do not expect to succeed in all these areas all the time.

In fact, I know I won’t.

But I can promise you this...

You will hold a most cherished place in my heart
and from that treasured place
I will strive to make these declarations
a part of who I am
and who I desire to become.

All the very best in the world to you, dad!

Lee

P.S. When this post was initially penned, I mentioned that I may add more later. In fact, that has happened. I ended up posting a video that expands my thoughts in a bit more detail and also wrote an extended post here on one of my other blogs.

Although it does have special reference to those in a business setting, it would not be hard to make additional applications. Here it is:

Enjoy!

__________

Feel stuck or like you need a boost anywhere in your life at this time? Seize a FREE 15 minute coaching session with Lee by going here today http://leewise.marketingmerge.com/coaching

Getting It Together As A Dad

2009-01-25T10:54:00.000-08:00

On "Getting It Together"

As A Dad

In the opinion of this one man...

Being a good dad doesn't mean

"I've got it all together all the time."

It means that...

"Getting it together" in relationship to:

Loving
Caring
And being a positive influence in the lives of my children...

Is an ongoing priority in my life.

Times will change. Not "might" change. They do change.
Seasons of life enter and exit on or off schedule
Abilities become altered for the better and or become "not like they used to be" as the days of our lives identify more and more the age of our bodies.

It may not be simple, easy, or even easy to understand: but as long as we are able to keep it together in terms of the purposes we put in place, the attitudes we reflect and the values we embrace, I believe we can qualify as "getting it together" as a dad because of our sincere efforts in those areas.

All the best to you, dad.

Lee

P.S. You will catch this in a lot of my links, but if you enjoy journaling or have been considering journaling more as a dad, click here for a resource you may truly enjoy.

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Feel stuck or like you need a boost anywhere in your life at this time? Seize a FREE 15 minute coaching session with Lee by going here today http://leewise.marketingmerge.com/coaching

A Dad’s Life Tip For The Day...Give Space

2008-12-28T16:12:00.000-08:00

A Dad’s Life Tip For The Day...
Give Space

Give space:
Give space to your children.

Give space when you can:
And most certainly when you must.

Give space when it’s safe and easy.
And when it’s not: give it anyway.

Give lots of emotional space:
More than you could ever dream possible.

But give it anyway.

Give space by...

Being flexible with rules,
Honoring decisions more than compliance,
Listening more (even though you could “tell” a lot more),
And loving whether it’s accepted, rejected
Or somewhere disarmingly in between.

Give space by...

Not attaching love to expectations,
Kind words solely to proper behavior,
And praise only when “all is in order.”

Life doesn’t come in a nice, neatly arranged package,
Dad’s most assuredly don’t arrive in that container,
And kids need to open their special delivery parcel...

In their own way,
Using their distinctive skills,
Driven by their unique desires,
Experiencing the fullness of their victories,
The results of their defeats,
And learning from both.

Okay, smart guy...

"Just how do you learn to give this space?”
"And how do you know it’s the right kind to give?”

Honestly, I wish I knew the total answer to those questions,
but however you go about staying in the battle, I would
suggest that you:

Pray for discernment,
Seek counsel when needed,
Work as a team with your wife every inch of the way,
Be ready to go with your gut more than your fears,
And trust God for the results when you’ve done your best.

While I may be far, far from perfect in the “space giving
arena,” I can say this without any hesitation before God or
man:

Striving to give the right kind of space,
At the right time,
For all the right reasons,
Over the long haul...

Can build relationships like crazy.

____________
© Lee Wise All rights reserved. You may freely distribute this inspirational note. The copyright and this resource box must be included.

Lee is a Writer an Online Marketer and Life Coach. With a passion for on purpose living and making a positive impact in the world, he seeks to encourage people in their personal and professional lives. See his Inspirational Handbook for Attraction Marketers here http://attractionmarketinghandbook.com

Feel stuck? Need a boost anywhere in your life at this time? Seize a FREE 15 minute coaching session with Lee by going here today http://leewise.marketingmerge.com/coaching

Listening and Being There

2008-11-23T14:54:00.000-08:00

Listening and being glad we did!

On Listening And Being There

© Lee Wise

"We listen with our hearts

that we might love with the same"

First Thoughts...

Once again I've seen the importance of these two very important items concerning "the fathering agenda." Namely:

1. Being there.
2. Listening.

There are a variety of ways to listen and, likewise, many ways to "be there" when being there matters most.

Over the phone.
Texting (did I say texting? Absolutely).
Casual comments as those casual meetings come up.
During times when helping your children or being helped by the same.
Cards
Letters
Emails
Etc.

You get the idea. We listen when we can, be there when we must, and try our best to do our best during all of the in between times: or at least we should.

Reflecting. Responding.

Am I listening as I should or hardly listening when I should be engaged?
If I were to identify my struggles with listening and being there as a dad, what would they be?
And, should those struggles above come to mind quickly, what steps could I put into place to begin overcoming -- or continuing to overcome -- those struggles?

__________

Feel stuck or like you need a boost anywhere in your life at this time? Seize a FREE 15 minute coaching session with Lee by going here today http://leewise.marketingmerge.com/coaching

21 Reasons I love being a dad

2008-06-20T10:09:00.000-07:00

"I just love being a dad!"

21 Reasons I Love Being A Dad
© Lee Wise All rights reserved

What you will read in the next five to eight minutes will
not qualify as one of the top ten professionally written
articles of the year: guaranteed.

But you will read this, guaranteed: thoughts created on
Father's Day from a guy who loves being a dad.

21 REASONS I LOVE BEING A DAD... AND AN OLDER ONE AT THAT

I love the privilege of seeking to inspire, encourage and
help my children.

I love loving their mother.

I love the home movies I experience. The live ones. The in
house "reality shows" if you please. Kids raggin' on each
other, telling mom and dad stories one more time, hugs at
the door, serious discussions begun spontaneously, phone
calls to say "Hi, I love you," and small hands pressed on a
glass door to see the wonder of all wonders: the neighbor's
black cat.

I love happy birthday songs: songs sung in love and received
the same way -- in love.

I love watching my kids with their kids.

I love the smiles of children and grandchildren.

I love good memories, family pictures on the walls, and
cards from "Father's Days past."

I love the journey of growing with my children.

I love helping when I can and hurting when I can't. No, I
don't enjoy the pain. It's the honor of trying to help
because "I'm a dad" that I enjoy.

I love the privilege of praying for my children. I have the
distinct honor of joining the heart of God with the needs,
desires and dreams of my children.

I love being able to say, "Forgive me" when needed.

I love hearing "Mammaw" sing songs to her grandchildren.

I love being called "Pap."

I love sharing the lives of the kids with their mother.

I love watching the joy in the eyes of my wife as she talks
on the phone with her children. (A *very* frequent event in
our home I might add!)

I love giving the grandkids back to my kids just about the
moment I think I'm going under (or moments thereafter!).

I love hearing the laughter of family in the other room.

I love being a friend as well as being a dad.

I love being a father-in-law.

I love memories of my dad loving me.

I love being challenged by my wife's love for each child,
grandchild, and son-in-law.

DID I MENTION...

I love being a dad?!

Yours for a day filled with beautiful moments in time,

Lee

____________

Feel stuck? Need a boost anywhere in your life at this time? Seize a FREE 15 minute coaching session with Lee by going here today http://leewise.marketingmerge.com/coaching

On Being A Father

2008-06-12T20:01:00.000-07:00

Thoughts on being a father

On Being A Father

© Lee Wise All rights reserved

Having a child make makes me a father,
but only by having a good heart
will I ever be the father I should be.

First Thoughts...

A good heart: words so easy write and yet so difficult at times to maintain, correct? At least that is this one man's opinion.

But it is so true. I realize you've seen dads with bad hearts and habit patterns to match. In fact, I've written about that here and other places.

However, living as a "bad hearted dad" is certainly no way to live and with all of our limitations we desire to live the right way before our children for all of the very best of reasons.

Reflecting. Responding.

Reflecting on "good hearted dads," who might comes to mind in my world?
Knowing that I have not been -- nor will I be -- a dad who reflects a good heart at all times, what safeguards come to mind that I could put into place in order to live the best way possible before my children?
And when I have blown it, what do I do? Am I able to correct things as I should and move on -- including forgiving myself in the process?
And if married, am I being a good example by cherishing my wife as I should? All children need to see positive relationships in action!

That's It!

All the very best to those you care for so very much,

Lee

____________

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25 Things That Matter When Relating To Our Children

2008-05-13T13:57:00.000-07:00

25 Things That Matter

When Relating To Our Children

(Short Shots On Leaving A Legacy Of Love To Those We Love)

In my opinion, these things matter...

1. Enjoying childlike delights before the child no longer
delights in being one.

2. Paying attention long enough to understand yet caring
enough to make a necessary correction once it's all
understood.

3. Responding to immaturity in a mature way.

4. Being silly when I can,
5. And fun when it's not cool to be silly.

6. Making time to listen when it's their time -- not just
"my time."

7. Being big enough to say "I was wrong,"
8. Sensitive enough to ask, "Will you forgive me?"
9. And courageous enough to correct my ways in the process.

10. Teaching by my actions that additional freedom is earned
by being responsible and not an automatic right acquired on
the date of the next birthday.

11. Sharing laughter for no other reason than laughter is
being shared with me.

12. Complimenting like crazy,
13. Avoiding foolish demands like the plague,
14. And hugging whether they are huggable or not.

15. Remembering that little people are no more -- but no
less than -- just that: little people.

16. Looking in the mirror and realizing "I'm one of the
little people who got older."

17. Making sure that "You've done well" doesn't always carry
with it "But you *should have* done better."

18. Knowing when to truthfully say "For this I am not
responsible: you are." (And living with myself once I've
said it.)

19. Knowing the importance of releasing without
disconnecting,
20. Being a friend while being a parent,
21. Listening to learn instead of waiting to tell,
22. And giving space without giving up.

23. Knowing the immense value of being able to say in the
end "I have done all I could reasonably do -- and then
some."

24. Taking time to show up when I can as opposed to wishing
I could when showing up is not possible (or even worse: not
wanted).

25. Loving with all my heart because in the end it's worth
it all.

Reflecting. Responding.

Thinking about my own list of 25, what would I write?
Reflecting on the practices of others that I have seen in my life, what would be my top ten "things that matter" as it pertains to relating to children?
Should someone ask me as a dad, "What would be on the top of your list when it comes to relating to kids of all shapes, sizes and ages?", what would you say?
Of this list of 25 above, do I see anything that might cause me to say, "Hmmm, better get to work on that!" Or, reversed, what could I mark down with a grateful heart and say, "I'm very grateful to say that I'm not doing all that bad here!"?

____________

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On Being Grateful ... One More Time

2007-11-22T09:29:00.000-08:00

On Being Grateful...

One More Time
© Lee Wise All rights reserved

I'm thankful for...

People loving people when they don't need to or would rather
not... but they do so anyway.

The ability to see colors and the on-going ability to see things I
never realized or comprehended previously.

Fighting that ends -- whether it's between countries, in
marriages, or between little friends or big kids who should
no better in the first place.

The beauty, simplicity and healing power of laughs of all kinds...

Weird ones,
Louder than you'd like ones,
Barely above the sound threshold ones,
And ones that make your stomach ache despite any feeble attempts to stop the process.

Dreams that create ways to help, heal, motivate, inspire,
and conceive dreamers who repeat the process.

Teachers who...

Give more than they receive and know more than they share because they they'd rather build up than tear down,
See eyes brighten with every new discovery,
And design for others ways to enjoy and improve the one life they've been given.

Soldiers who...

Defend for all the right reasons
Instead of maiming and destroying for every wrong one in the book.

Moms who...

Love their kids,
Kids who love their moms,
And dads who love them both.

Butterfly Kisses that mean so much more
than the song ever could because of lyrics
played during the ever changing rhythms of daily life.

Those who...

Really do help little old ladies across the street,
And little old ladies and gentlemen who preserve the art of caring by living and loving in ways that leave legacies of hope for each of their watching worlds.

Dogs at the neighbors that don't bark
and barking neighbors who don't live near me.

Cars that run,
Empty bathrooms during times of ultimate crisis,
Spyware that works,
And cats that quickly leave my back door.

Minds that remember what they should
while forgetting what is brought to mind
because they love people more than they do
grudges that don't matter anyway.

Addicts who win,

And athletes who know and show the difference between

winning at life and simply taking a win to the next game.

In short, I'm grateful for my life
And the God who entrusted me with the same.

__________

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Notes on trust to a friend

2007-11-13T11:43:00.000-08:00

Notes On Trust To A Friend

A Casual Visit

A friend stopped in to my world for a few moments recently,
we interacted for a while, and then both of us stepped back
into the demands of our everyday worlds.

Reflecting on our conversation, I decided to write him a
short note (which follows).

I include it here because of the subject: trust. It seems to
come back again and again in my life -- and, because I
believe the process I've described is so important for me
as a dad. Obviously, my perspective is faith-based so it
would not apply to everyone.

But it certainly does to me.

May this brief post be encouraging to you, dad. Ours is
a high privilege, high honor, and high responsibility role.

Lee

Thoughts Shared With A Friend...(i.e. the note)

"Thanks for stopping in to chat. I thoroughly enjoyed our
time together and appreciate the desire of your heart to
serve the Lord in all areas of your life.

At times I feel that our lives with Jesus can be reduced to
what might be termed "drastically simple."

Simple,
But not simplistic.

I look back on our walk with Jesus and so much of it seems
to be...

1. Dedicating ourselves and to the Lord.

2. Trusting God for some aspect of our lives -- including
those reoccurring failed expectations.

4. Releasing people and situations into His hands.

5. Continuing our faith walk as best as possible.

And then the cycle repeats itself again.

The cycle molds us, shapes us for future life and ministry,
and sometimes just helps us get through the day.

At least that's how we have experienced it in our own lives.

May the Lord continue to bless,

Lee"

____________

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Affirmation... a reminder

2007-10-29T10:02:00.000-07:00

On Affirmation

While in class sometime back one of my students shared how someone dear to him spontaneously said six words.

Just Six Words: Six!

The student heard just six words that sent him on an emotional high for the day -- and beyond.

"Thanks for treating me well today."

And here's the interesting aspect of this short snippet out of his life: the six words were not shared because his actions consistently would be categorized as negative.

Rather, his practice weighed in on the positive side of the emotional scale.

Let's Think About This In Relationship To Being A Dad...

A few considerations come to mind while reflecting on fathering:

1. How little it takes to lift up the heart of another person: six words and a heart is encouraged.

2. The importance of affirmation in the lives of people.

3. The value of verbalizing our positive thoughts to others.

On Saying A Little...

As dads we can say a little, true.

But a little -- said well -- can provide days of encouraging thoughts to our children.

Something to think about.
And do.

May God give us the ability to be alert while parenting our children.

Lee

____________

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Involvement...such a simple thing

2007-10-27T17:11:00.000-07:00

Involvement...

Such A Simple Thing

© Lee Wise

____________________
Neat To Watch

Dad enters the door, late, after a long work day, gets a quick bite in the kitchen...

And the two kids were already carrying on, beginning what looked like kangaroo exercises, and proudly told Mammaw and Pap: "We're going to have a movie night.

Sure, it took two -- both husband and wife -- but the "movie night" took shape.

Lights out.
Sleeping materials on the floor.
Popcorn made by dad and now ready to eat.

And the movies began.
____________________
Being Involved In The Simple Things

Sometimes being a good dad in my opinion simply means being involved in the simple things with your children: such as what took place in our home last evening.

I saw it, liked it, and thought I'd share it.

Enjoy the evening, dads!

Lee

____________

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Avoiding The Pitfalls Of Being An Insensitive Dad

2007-10-08T07:56:00.001-07:00

Avoiding The Pitfalls

Of Being An Insensitive Dad

I WAS AMAZED

I could hardly believe what I was hearing. A father and
his son had entered the men's room. While I was washing my
hands, I listened as the father wielded a series of
demanding and demeaning statements at his son as if they
were swords in a battle for ... who knows what?

And all about going to the bathroom quickly!

It was the perfect victory. The enemy (the son) had been
slain. The battle was won. The general had summoned his
one-man army to do his bidding.

It was also totally and completely ridiculous. There was
no consideration for the feelings or physical needs of
the young person.

The "bad boy" had won the day -- and the bad boy was not
the son.

It was the son's insensitive dad.

I WAS SADDENED AND ANGRY

This incident occurred while on vacation. I loved vacation
except for one aspect: watching fathers deal with their
children.

I was sad.
And I was angry.

The "interesting" thing was that when I related this
observation to my daughter and son-in-law, they proceeded
to share with me *their* same discouragement while they were
on a recent trip to a theme park.

Their message was the same:

"We had a great time.
The only discouraging thing was
seeing dads with their children."

I AGREE: IT'S NOT EASY

I am a father and I would be among the first to declare that
raising children is not an easy task.

Parts of it are rough.
Real rough.

I would also be quick to admit the times I have failed as a
father.

But I do hope that no one has ever said this about me after
observing my relationship with either my children or grand-
children:

"We saw the most discouraging thing today.

This guy was a jerk. The way he treated those kids was
awful.

No respect. No honor.

Only demands and unrealistic expectations. I tell ya,
it was sad."

WE KNOW THERE IS A BETTER WAY

Let me be quick to add: all is not bad. I have seen many
loving, caring fathers throughout the years. I *love*
watching those types of dads relate to their children. It
is one of my personal delights in life :)

With that in mind, I am offering a few simple suggestions
for a better way: a better way for fathers to relate to
their children than the two negative examples I have shared
with you.

I will center my suggestions on five themes:

1. Consideration
2. Respect
3. Humility
4. Compassion
5. Love

Two comments as I transition into my suggestions:

*You will quickly discover that this will not be a long
and drawn out discussion of these themes. Enjoy.

*Many of the points will be shared through using simple
"affirmations" -- or descriptive comments if you
please. These affirmations will help you personalize
what is said.

So...

We have discussed a few of the "bad boy" characteristics.

Let's turn our attention to five characteristics of the
"good boys." That is, men who are determined *not* to be
thought of as "one of those insensitive dads."

CONSIDERATION

Consideration says...

"I adjust my expectations according to the needs, maturity
level and emotional capabilities of the child I am relating
to at the moment."

Because of the important aspects of the statement you just
read, I'm going to repeat it and break it down for you.

That's my part.

Yours will be to reflect on each aspect as you read it one
more time. Reflect on it through the lens of how you would
have liked to be treated as a young-person-in-the-making.

"I adjust

My expectations

According to

The needs,

Maturity level

And emotional capabilities

Of the child

I am relating to

At the moment."

RESPECT

Respect says...

"I see this person entrusted to my care as one who is worthy
of my honor, approval and love."

This mental stance provides for me a frame. A frame I wrap
around my child *to begin with.* The child is worthy of my
honor, approval and love -- from the beginning.

It is a part of the package each child should *sense* in me
from "Day One" so-to-speak.

HUMILITY

Humility says...

"Because I am still learning, I give my child space and time
to learn."

"Because I still fail, I forgive and support my child when
he or she fails."

"Because I respond poorly when people are angry with me for
reasons I do not understand, I resist all uncontrolled and
self-centered anger when dealing with my child."

COMPASSION

Compassion says...

"I am a 'show and tell' person.

*I show my child I care.
*I tell my child I care."

"I strive to be gentle, not harsh."

"I care and my child senses it."

LOVE

Love says... all of the above.

A DISCLAIMER

Let me make something perfectly clear: children can -- and
do -- hurt their parents: good parents.

Parents who in a very real sense lay down their lives for
their kids and still get kicked in the guts while trying to
help their children be happy and succeed in life.

These parents know a special kind of pain. A pain that no
one really wants to understand. I salute those parents.

You may be one of them.

So my disclaimer is...

*I realize this is a two-sided fence

*My purpose is not to add guilt to a conscience
already plagued by the "Why's" of their child's
bad attitudes and behavior -- in spite of hundreds
of hours of trying to do what's right.

Rather, if you happen to be one of those parents --
and especially a dad since that is the topic of these
comments -- I want you to hear these words:

"I thank you for trying."

I thank you for trying and for the lonely hours
you have spent that only you, and possibly your
spouse -- and God -- knows about...

The tears. The heartache and the pain that goes
on and on as each new report surfaces about some
action or attitude your child has displayed."

For those times, tears and heartache -- I reflect
to you my appreciation. And I'm sure I
represent only one of many voices that would
echo the same to you if they could.

Therefore, review these comments and take note
of each positive thing you have done. Take a
bow. You deserve it."

Yours for a day filled with beautiful moments in time,

Lee

____________

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"Listen to the story of her life in grade three because..."

2007-09-21T06:50:00.000-07:00

Listen To The Stories Of Her Life

"Listen to the story of her life in grade three because you want her to tell you a whole lot more when she's twenty-three, thirty-three and forty-three."

Reflecting more on this statement from my earlier article, let me say...

Listen With Care To The Stories Of Her Life

Know this...

Her stories vary in length and intensity: that's a given.

However, the decision to listen to the many and varied stories of their lives means...

A commitment on our parts as fathers.
The commitment is for real if the love is to be for real.
And the commitment is for the long haul.

I see this process as saying in effect to our daughters...

"Regardless of where you find yourself located in this world
-- or what stage of life you find yourself experiencing --
the story of your life matters to me.

It really matters.

It matters enough for me to...

Take the time,
reflect the interest
And to the extent that wisdom and circumstances allow...to become involved."

Note The Process

Note the process: it starts when they are young and
continues into the adult years.

In one sense I believe we as parents continually "earn" the
privilege of being involved in the lives of our children.

And, in my opinion a key factor in maintaining that on-going
privilege is remaining close enough to be invited in to
their stories...

When,
Where,
And how...

They want to share them with us.

It's an honor.
A true honor.

____________

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How To Be A Good Parent -- A Daughter's View

2007-09-19T13:44:00.001-07:00

Hi,

I just ran across this "article" from a daughter speaking about her dad.
I love seeing thoughts like this about a positive family unit.

Here is just one of the statements from her article:

"He was always there for me and my sister and I can honestly say that my Dad gives me even more support now that I am not living at home and have a family of my own."

Here's the link if you want to read the entire thing. Great thoughts.
Hat's off to this dad!

How to be a good dad - a daughter's view

"Listen when she needs a friend more than a father."

2007-09-04T17:05:00.000-07:00

"Listen when she needs a friend more than a father."

Returning the point made above from my article,

I can't even begin to overemphasize the importance of doing
everything we can to befriend our children.

And quite naturally I'm partial to being a "dad friend" to
his daughter.

Like so many parenting characteristics, the price continues
to be time, sensitivity, self-control, prayer, and listening.

There's a time not to...

Give advice -- even if it's good,
Offer six steps the any solution,
Or correct.

And there's a time to simply...

Listen,
Seek to identify with emotions shared,
Create moments of laughter,
And offer a heart-felt hug.

Friends do that.
Friends do that again and again.

On Developing Character

2007-08-31T07:40:00.000-07:00

Hi,

Obviously, developing and maintaining our character
as men is a very important aspect of being a good father.

This short quote speaks to that topic.

Enjoy,

Lee

CHARACTER
© Lee Wise All rights reserved

The determination to live a noble life:
a life framed by love, molded by integrity,
rooted in truth, and inspired by the hope
of being a positive influence in the world.

The "Fab Four" That Will Get You Into Trouble

2007-08-29T11:33:00.000-07:00

Hi,

Obviously, being a good dad involves the continual process
of developing as a good person.

I penned this article sometime back and thought I would post
it here. It ties in with some of the thoughts on another
recent post relative to things to avoid as a father.

Enjoy,

Lee

THE "FAB FOUR"... THAT WILL GET YOU INTO TROUBLE
(And... Another 4 That Will Help You Stay Out Of Trouble)
© Lee Wise All rights reserved

Want to get into trouble quick? Practice the first
"fabulous four" below and you will.

Want help in staying out of trouble? Strive to put into
practice the second "fabulous four" and it will help.

THE "FABULOUS FOUR" THAT WILL GET YOU INTO TROUBLE

The First...

Lack of self-control.

If I have a major area of weakness, don't respect my
tendencies toward self-addiction in that area, and show
little, if any, self restraint when it comes to taking the
proper precautions that could cause my downfall, I am bound
to get into trouble.

The Second...

Anger and violence.

Ever hear of "road rage"? And what about rage in general?
Anger that is not consistently managed well will get me
into trouble.

Violent actions repeated on a regular basis: these will most
assuredly cause me to be entrapped in a snare of my own
making. Not to mention the agony and despair my actions
could force on others.

The Third...

Being argumentative.

Not as serious as rage and violence, but deadly in terms of
building relationships with others.

Don't be a person who is quick to fight: a verbal gladiator
if you please.

Get a reputation of being a snappy, cantankerous person and
watch the distance between you and others increase over
time.

Lonely is not a pretty word.
And a much less pretty experience.

The Fourth...

Loving money the wrong way.

And by the wrong way I mean placing too high a value on
gaining wealth with little concern how it is acquired.

In the end, I will lose in the process of "gaining" if I
remain out of balance in my approach to the acquisition of
wealth.

THE "FAB FOUR" THAT WILL HELP YOU STAY OUT OF TROUBLE

The First...

Be friendly.

Genuinely care for people.

It's an "old" truth but true nonetheless: people like
friendly people.

If I work on being friendly, it will help me stay out of
trouble with others.

Is that a guarantee?
Of course not.
But being friendly does help.

The Second...

Be faithful.

Be faithful in your relationships and responsibilities.
People like people they can count on.

People respond well to people they can trust.

The Third...

Share good advice.

Excellent counsel given at the right time, with right
motives, in the right way is invaluable.

People appreciate people who share practical tips for living
with them -- especially when the timing is right.

The Fourth...

Show respect to people.

Value their talents, be sympathetic during their ups and
downs, share their joys, and express understanding in the
middle of their hardships.

Treat people with dignity.

People value respectful people.

A "BONUS FAB FOUR" JUST FOR YOU

Number One...

Grow in your ability to influence others in a positive way.
Doing so can bring you personal satisfaction and a deep
sense of accomplishment.

Give yourself the gift of growing in your leadership
abilities.

Number Two...

Gain experience or knowledge that will cause you to grow,
advance, become better, or give you an emotional lift.

Give yourself the gift of time for self-development.

Number Three...

Follow the powerful and productive desires of your heart.

Honor them.
Make room for them.
Cultivate them.

Give yourself the gift of pursuing the positive passions of
your heart.

And Number Four...

Continually strive for balance.

Seek to balance...

Work with pleasure.
Seriousness with laughter.
Self-development with "down time."
Caring for others with caring for yourself.
Personal discipline with spontaneous creativity.

A SUGGESTED STRATEGY FOR PERSONAL GROWTH

1. Review each "fab four" set.
2. Highlight what interests you.
3. Take some action as soon as possible.
4. Celebrate after the action has been taken.
5. Plan the next action you will take.
6. Summarize your thoughts and actions in a success
journal.
7. Repeat the process.

Yours for a day filled with beautiful moments in time,

Lee

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
© Lee Wise All rights reserved. You may freely distribute
this article. The copyright and this resource box must be
included.

Avoid pain/create pleasure. For A Beautiful Moment In Time
go here --> http://www.motivation-for-daily-living.net
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

Tips on Being A Good Dad

2007-08-28T07:51:00.000-07:00

Hi,

I believe I counted 14 tips on being a good dad in this article: two of which are posted for you here.

Some good material in this post: you may want to stop by and read the remainder of these good ideas.

Enjoy,

Lee

Tips For Being a Good Dad

Being a parent is one of the most rewarding yet challenging jobs you can have. No one is born being a natural mom or dad; these skills are learned. Here are some tips to help you be the best father you can be for your kids:

Start Early, Never Stop - Begin your relationship with your son or daughter at birth. It is never too early to talk, tickle, caress, kiss, and play with your child – the sooner, the better. Equally important, don’t stop! Showing affection, asking questions, sharing your world, and getting to know your baby – these are the building blocks to a strong relationship.
Realize That No One Is a Natural - No one is born a dad or mom. Your responsibility is to make the time and commit the energy to learn the skills you will need to be a caring, compassionate, and competent dad. The learning never ends and kids are great teachers!

____________

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In My Opinion...Three Things To Avoid As Dads

2007-08-24T12:48:00.000-07:00

In My Opinion...

Among the many practices in life we should try to avoid as
fathers would be at least these three. (I may comment more
later).

1. Bitterness
2. Anger
3. Slander

____________________
On Bitterness

I should strive to model for my children (and grandchildren)
becoming better and avoid the practice of becoming bitter.

How quick do I reveal any form of bitterness and for how
long of a period of time?

Can you imagine the effects on children who "acquire" the
habit of being bitter because of what their eyes see, their
ears hear, and their hearts perceive over a long period of
time?

It can't be positive.

Maybe one way to avoid the trap of being bitter would be to:

1. Stay alert -- paying close attention when the emotion or
thought begins.

2. Determine a positive action or thought to immediately
take it's place.

3. Take the action or replace the thought.

Enjoy,

Lee

On Being A Good Dad

2007-08-24T08:10:00.001-07:00

Hi,

I love writing short thoughts I term "quotes."

Just created this about two minutes ago and though
I'd share it.

May you and those you love have a wonderful day,

Lee

On Being A Good Dad...
© Lee Wise All rights reserved

It's a lot about guts
And a lot less about glory.

It's more about love
Than it is about getting loved in return.

It's a lot about caring
Even when caring is way beyond cool.

And it's a whole bunch about time:
Time, and time, and time again.

____________

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On being a faithful dad

2007-08-23T05:47:00.000-07:00

Faithfulness

Being there when I don’t have to,
staying when I don’t want to,
encouraging when I need to,
and loving whether I’d love to or not.

Hi,

I was reviewing this quote this morning and thought it might be a good post here in terms of being faithful fathers to our children. Of course, it applies in many areas.

Enjoy,

Lee

____________

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"Listen when she's down -- no matter how long it takes." A few more thoughts on potential benefits

2007-08-22T12:11:00.000-07:00

"Listen when she's down...

no matter how long it takes."

Continuing thoughts on this issue from the comments I made here, I would say that trying to put this into practice (i.e. committing to it) has the following potential results or benefits.

The Potential Good Of Being Careful To Listen Carefully

1. The heart of the daughter learns to trust the heart of the father.

2. A relationship builds that tends to last over the long haul.

3. For a faith-based individual, insights are gained that help in praying for your daughter.

4. Each time spent builds a foundation for future times of interaction on a variety of topics -- including just the fun times.

5. The practice lays the foundation for being available when your daughter takes one or more "hits" from life that is bound to happen.

6. Hopefully, if we as fathers listen well during the down times, it will be something she will look for in potential marriage partner.

That's all for right now.

Enjoy,

Lee

____________

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On listening to your daughter when she's down

2007-08-21T07:05:00.000-07:00

"Listen When She's Down...

No Matter How Long It Takes."

Reflecting briefly today on the thought above, I can't even
begin to tell you how much this does -- or could -- mean to
your daughter.

One Of My Top Ten

One of my top ten topics regarding my advice to fathers
would be to "listen when she's down."

Listen to her heart.
Listen to her express whatever is on her heart.

Share her...

Emotions,
Her struggles,
Her dreams
And her dreams gone amuck.

Listen With Your Heart

Listen with your heart.

Make a commitment to this practice.
Realize in doing so that it is a time commitment.

Listen when it's needed,
However long it's needed,
For the long haul.

And do please realize... it is for the long haul.

My wife and I do not entertain "having arrived" thoughts
in terms of parenting.

We simply keep...

Trying,
Learning,
And growing.

In other words, we keep striving towards the goal.
That's my disclaimer here: I can't say I'm perfect at this
by a long shot.

I use the word "striving" here (and in other places) because
I know I never arrive.

But I can say I work at it.

When I think of striving to be a good father, this is high on my list.

Enjoy the day, dad.

Lee

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Fathers... Listen To Your Daughters

2007-08-20T12:10:00.000-07:00

Fathers...

Listen To Your Daughters

Hi,

In the early stages of "Being A Good Father," I thought this
particular article would be a good one to share.

When it comes to dads and daughters, few subjects in my mind
claim more importance and that of learning to listen.

I may comment on sections of these thoughts in the days
ahead.

The best to you and those you love,

Lee

Fathers...

Listen To Your Daughters

"Thanks, dad. Thanks for listening. I always knew I could
come to you."

Last month a strange and not entirely unexpected guest made
his way into my life.

"Sixty" sauntered in, quite confident of his admittance I
might add, caring little how I felt.

Being sixty can mean...

Briskly heading toward the men's room quicker than I might
choose,

Staring in disbelief at the "fright night like" creature
squinting back at me from the torture chamber (my mirror)
while remembering the kid wearing a swimsuit who stopped
the clock soon enough to place second in state,

Wondering if the time ever existed when I didn't need to see
*someone* related to *something* about an obscure (or not so
obscure) part of my physical being,

And being grateful for hearing a set of words similar to the
ones you read during the last sixty seconds:

"Thanks, dad.
Thanks for listening.
I always knew I could come to you."

My friend and father of one or more daughters: I beg you.

I beg you...

Please, please read the following statement carefully,
thoughtfully and if so inclined prayerfully:

You may be sad for good advice not received,
but make every effort -- every effort --
not to fail at listening to your daughter.

Tears come in many shapes and sizes, but few carry more
emotional weight than tears of regret.

Strive to lessen your tears of regret and increase the
future possibility of expressing tears of joy for the hours,
days and years of careful listening to the daughter of your
youth.

Listen when she's down -- no matter how long it takes.

Listen when she wants to build a snow tunnel, take a walk,
go to the zoo, watch her routine for the color guard, pay
attention as she plays the flute, and pick her up when she's
scared.

Listen when life treats her well. Share the joys, freakish
highs, and every level of joyful emotion in between.

Listen to the story of her life in grade three because you
want her to tell you a whole lot more when she's twenty-
three, thirty-three and forty-three.

Listen when she feels unlovely. Take just enough time to
let her know in no uncertain terms how lovely she is to you.

Listen when the guy's been a jerk, and don't jerk her
bruised emotional chain while she's down. Care, listen, and
care yet more.

Listen when she needs you to listen more than you need your
emotional space.

Listen when she questions your standards, beliefs, judgment
and even your love. Listen and pray -- like a drowning man
in turbulent waters -- because of your need to carefully
respond instead of carelessly react.

Listen when she needs a friend more than a father.

Listen when she says "I'm sorry." Listen and forgive. Be a
man of grace as opposed to a man with a large set of rules
and a small heart.

Listen when an emergency apparatus is needed which she
anticipates using with great regularity. When you hear,
"Dad, can you go to the store for me?" ... just go. Yes,
even when you find yourself trying to discover a box "with
wings."

Listen when she wants you to hold her hand while walking
down the street. Listen, because life will seem unusually
short when she takes your arm to meet another special,
younger man at the end of a very long aisle. And should she
request to include a musical piece with two words in the
title ("Butterfly" and "Kisses"), prepare by playing the
song advance, dad. Believe me, you'll need the prep time.

Listen when you answer the phone and she asks: "Dad, can I
talk to mom?" Don't hesitate. Get mom. Let her know you
respect her need to "talk girl talk." Get this, dad: a
girl's heart comes super sized for life. Her heart can
handle more than one person in its chambers.

Listen when you hear the sounds of love she expresses to her
own child, when life spits out more pain than she
anticipated at age sixteen, and when she asks for your
prayers.

Listen.
Care.
Love.
And listen some more.

Listen till you hear...

"Thanks, dad.
Thanks for listening.
I always knew I could come to you."

You will not regret it. I promise you.
You will not regret paying the price to hear those words.

____________

Feel stuck? Need a boost anywhere in your life at this time? Seize a FREE 15 minute coaching session with Lee by going here today http://leewise.marketingmerge.com/coaching

I love being a dad!

2007-08-19T20:31:00.000-07:00

I Love Being A Dad!

Hi,

Obviously, striving to be a good father is vitally important and a subject that remains very, very dear to my heart.

Simply, put... I love being a dad! And, I would like this small spot on the web to be a place of encouragement for those who find themselves at various stages in the journey of being a father -- or look forward to that day in the future.

I'll start with a brief "quote" I wrote sometime back which, obviously, speaks of my experience of being a father at this stage in my learning process.

Enjoy,

Lee

Being A Dad

© Lee Wise All rights reserved

Knowing...

The pleasure and the pain,
The good and the not-so-good,
The glad times and the sad times,

And everything else in between

Only to find yourself saying the
same thing again and again over
the years:

"I love being a dad."
"I really do... love being a dad."

____________

Feel stuck? Need a boost anywhere in your life at this time? Seize a FREE 15 minute coaching session with Lee by going here today http://leewise.marketingmerge.com/coaching